[Article] Distance caregivers’ conundrum

Originally published: December 26, 2025

Written by: Meagan Gillmore for Canadian Affairs

Mireille de Reland visits her parents every five to six weeks. But she is caring for them all the time. 

“There’s always that ongoing worry,” she said. 

De Reland, 51, who has been caring for her aging parents for about a decade, says the role comes naturally for her. When she was a child, she helped care for her father after a massive heart attack. She also cared for various relatives at different times in her life. 

Today, the biggest difficulty she faces is the distance. She has lived in Toronto for most of her adult life; her parents live in Ottawa. 

“It’s difficult when you’re far away, because you’re not able to see situations firsthand,” she said. “Often when you can see something is when you start to pick up on things [that may be concerns].” 

Like de Reland, many Canadians are caregivers from a distance. While caregiving can be stressful for anyone, these “distance caregivers” have the added burden of finding people they can trust to care for their loved ones, while also taking care of themselves.  

‘Space-time tension’

As Canada’s population ages, more Canadians are becoming caregivers to family or friends. Some researchers estimate half of Canadians will care for a sick or disabled relative or friend during their lifetime. 

Distance is a particular challenge for Canadian caregivers “because we have so much geography,” said Allison Williams, a social and health geographer who studies how caregiving impacts people’s employment. “But I think if there’s an intentionality … to provide the unpaid care, there’s a way to get it done.” 

De Reland, for example, prepares questions her parents can ask at doctor appointments and helps pay their bills online. She and her sisters, who live closer to her parents, communicate frequently about their parents’ needs.

Caregivers are very aware of the “space-time tension,” said Williams, who is a professor at McMaster University in Hamilton and regularly drives two hours each way to visit her parents in Toronto.

“We only have so many hours in the day,” she said. “There’s only so many hours that people are willing to commute.” 

A recent study in the journal Population, Space and Place provides more information about the distance between adult children and their aging parents. 

Researchers used tax data to determine the distance between Canadian adult children who were teenagers in the ‘80s and their parents. When these adults were in their 50s, about 75 per cent lived within 100 kilometres of their parents, the study found. Of those, just over half lived within 20 kilometres.  

While close proximity to adult parents may make caregiving more convenient, it can also increase the chances of caregiver burnout. Burnout is more likely when caregivers spend 10 hours a week or more in unpaid caregiving duties, says Williams. 

But distance caregivers face their own challenges. De Roland has been able to attend many doctors’ appointments virtually with her parents. But not all doctors have allowed her to do this.

“The health-care system doesn’t fully recognize … caregivers themselves, but the distance aspect causes more difficulties,” she said. “I’m sure there’s a lot more distance caregivers than we even realize. I think the health-care system has to take a look at how we address that.” 

‘Network of care’

Some distance caregivers hire people to check in on their parents, says Williams.

“They basically set up a network of care for their parents in order that they’re cared for in the best way possible.” 

Karen Lake’s life’s mission is building those caregiving networks for distance caregivers.

Since 2015, Lake, who lives in Fredericton, N.B., has been a professional care navigator. She offers several services to families, including advising them on the best care options for their relatives. But her biggest “joy” is her Peace of Mind program, she says. 

For a fee, Lake visits seniors in Fredericton at least once a month. Depending on the arrangement, she also supports them with scheduling medical appointments or housework. 

Lake provides an “on-the-ground professional presence,” she said. Because she is a nurse, many adult children trust her to know how to care for their parents.

“It’s all in an effort to give [adult children] some insight into what’s happening here, so that they can have some peace of mind,” said Lake. 

Lake considers the family caregivers to be her clients. Right now, all her Peace of Mind clients live out-of-province, but still in Canada. In the past, she has had clients in the U.S., Japan and New Zealand.

The study from Population, Space and Place found that adult children who did move away from their parents, moved very far away — on average, between 700 and 1,500 kilometres.

Lake understands why so many adult children live far from their parents. 

“We were told to go to university and learn something, which we did, and some of us stayed, and some of us didn’t,” said Lake, who grew up in Saint John, N.B., but worked briefly in the U.S. “And New Brunswick is a province that’s known for having people that leave for greener shores.” 

Lake says distance caregivers who engage her services are not forfeiting their responsibilities. 

“I know how much it helps them,” she said. “[My work is] not taking any of it away from them, because there’s still so much that they need to manage and do, even from a distance.” 

Compassion

Caregiving can have a large impact on unpaid caregivers’ employment. Many struggle to get time off for caregiving duties; some companies will let employees go rather than accommodate caregiving needs, says Williams. And not everyone has a job that allows them to move easily, she says. 

“Most workplaces are not care friendly, and [employees who are unpaid caregivers] are not comfortable self identifying … that they are providing unpaid care.” 

De Reland has chosen to be self-employed, and turned down full-time job offers, so that she can more easily visit her parents. But she would like to see more distance caregivers have access to flexible work schedules.

She has two part-time jobs: one as a project manager, and the other as a facilitator of mindfulness workshops.

She says the skills she has gained leading mindfulness workshops helps her recognize and respond to her own feelings. Caregiving is ultimately about showing compassion, she says, and that includes caregivers showing compassion to themselves.

Being a distance caregiver can come with its own feelings of guilt, she says. But over time, she is learning to manage those feelings. 

“As caregivers, we don’t always offer to ourselves what we give to others,” she said.