[Impact Story] ‘We Had No Idea What Was Coming’: Caring for My Aging Father

This powerful opinion piece highlights challenges in the US, but it’s a reality Canadians know all too well as we grapple with inadequate support systems and policies that haven’t kept pace with our aging population.

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Originally published: Nov 24, 2025

The first sign of trouble arrived by text. On Dec. 17 at 2:33 p.m., my younger sister, Melissa, pinged me from Houston to say that our 78-year-old father had veered off course while driving himself to a medical appointment.

“He has missed his exit,” she wrote. “I don’t want to call him and tell him because he will be pissed that I am tracking him. What do we do?”

“Honestly just let him run,” I wrote back from my home in Washington.

This was not the first time Dad had gone rogue while driving. Just the day before, he had cruised in aimless circles around unfamiliar neighborhoods for over an hour, dismissing worried calls from our mother. But this time he was missing lab appointments related to his bladder cancer.

The family knew that Dad was chafing under the restrictions that went with his chemotherapy. No crowds! No gardening! No letting the dog lick his face! But we also knew the drugs could cause cognitive issues. Dad’s oncologist had warned us to be on alert for odd behavior. Like an overprotective mom, my sister had started tracking his phone, mostly without his knowledge. My father got crabby when he thought anyone was treating him “like an invalid.”

“Maybe he is just trying to explore every major Houston freeway this week?” joked Melissa, whom we all call Mel.

“Everyone needs a hobby,” I suggested.

Judge if you must. Dark humor is my family’s coping mechanism of choice.

The hospital called our mother to ask why my father hadn’t shown up, alerting her to the situation. Mom called Dad, who claimed to be stuck in traffic — true only if “stuck in traffic” meant driving in circles.

As hour two of our vigil approached, I suggested my sister take a break.

“I can’t,” she said. “It’s like the third season of ‘Stranger Things.’ I don’t want to watch but I couldn’t look away. I have to know what happens.”

Dad eventually drifted home — after burning up 49 miles over the course of nearly two hours and missing two appointments. He tried to shrug off the whole episode, but something was clearly off. Mel and I agreed that I should at least talk with him about hitting the pause button on driving. (Spoiler: That did not go well.)

We had no idea what was coming.

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